In one of the progressive Muslim groups I belong to on Facebook, Progressive Muslim Voices, the administrator posted last week:
Ok, here’s a fun exercise, Prog Muzzies. Given the slew of “Shit….say” videos posted on this wall lately, I want to know what you think a “Shit Progressive Muslims say” video would go like.
And post they did. The thread is up to 700 responses, although to be fair it devolved toward the end and went way off topic (as these things often do.) BUT! I requested permission to share some of my favorite contributions from the list and the group gave me their collective permission.
So, without further ado– here is some of the “Sh*t Progressive Muslims Say…”
“So are you like progressive moderate or moderate progressive, or like moderately moderate or progressively progressive?”
“The translators got it all wrong. They don’t know the actual meaning of the root of the word in Arabic.”
“I heart Jon Stewart.”
“I won’t perform the Hajj, as long as Saudi Arabia is not a democracy.”
”Democracy was revealed in the Quran. Fact!”
“Burqas are for fetishists.”
“It’s all about tafseer…and anyone should be able to do that.”
“Where’s the ijtihad, dude?”
“Please don’t let it be a Muslim!”
“The niqab is NEVER a choice!”
“Allah is just the Arabic word for Krishna.”
“Education is the answer to all the world’s problems.”
“Jesus was Muslim.”
“You disagree with me? You MUST be a Wahabi!”
“Happy thanksgiving…now I’m off to enjoy my halal turkey dinner!”
“Why should I pray in Arabic? Allah knows all languages.”
”I was watching this Swedish- Latvian arthouse movie done by a director from Peru who spent three days in a Tirpoli Hotel about the journey of a small boy to a store – it really speaks to me as a Muslim.”
“Oh but we’re not *Progressive*, if you know what I mean. We’re just progressive. “
“MERRY CHRISTMAS!”
“As a Muslim you have more freedom in the US than in all Muslim countries together.”
“Does anybody know a progressive mosque where I can openly pray as a gay pork eating woman? The 300 miles I travel now are not enough to show my progressiveness, so please give me a name of a mosque on another continent.”
“Of course it’s all those Saudi petrol dollars at work…”
“I heart Amina Wadud.”
“I like to cause boobquakes in my spare time.”
“Religion is deeply personal, which is why I don’t discuss MINE in public forums. But I’ll gladly criticize your practice!”
“Which version of the Qur’an do you read?”
“I got groped in Mecca!”
“The problem with Islam is that everyone keeps confusing CULTURE with RELIGION.”
“Irshad Manji is okay for a psycho lesbian, but Ayaan Hirsi Ali is a total bitch.”
“Khadijah was totally a cougar!”
“Somebody help me find that fatwa that says I can bang that girl in my ethics class before the end of the semester as long as she’s NOT Muslim.”
“Have you ever had sex with an uncircumcised guy?”
“There is no such thing as a Muslim name, but to emphasize my Islamic identity I am adopting the name Mariposa Anuradha Bint Steven”
“Steve Jobs was born a Muslim.”
“The sons of Salafabiasodomy Arapia are the most wicked people on earth. Oh. Yes. I am an American. But don’t judge me by what my government does, I mean, the government doesn’t represent ALL Americans!”
“Why don’t we try reading the Quran in Amharic or Aramaic or Tuareg and see if we can get it to say what we want it to with different diacritics. Cuz some guy in Germany or somewhere did and it turns out that in other languages the Quran is like tyotally a feminist text!”
“On behalf of my people, I apologize to you for a crime which I did not commit.”
“I’m a white, American convert but I have a vast working knowledge AND an opinion on everything that happens in Pakistan/Saudi Arabia/Indonesia/Somalia/Palestine/etc.”
“I never thought I’d see that day when we’d have a president with a Muslim middle name. Alhamdolillah!”
“You know what the problem with this ummah is? Racism!”
Our imam is the best! He roller blades!
”Our Imam is the best. SHE leads our prayers.”
“Our imam is the best…he’s also the synagogues rabbi next door.”
“It’s the end of the Ummah as we know it but I feel fine!”
“Taliban do not represent Islam, as they were actually created by the CIA.”
“More than one wife is NOT allowed in Islam as Koran says that it is impossible to treat them all equally.”
“Happy Hanukkah!”
“Saudi Barbaria!”
“All freedom fighers were once terrorists.”
Ahhhh, good times! I love when people can laugh at themselves, and progressive Muslims are certainly not immune to rhetoric. The ability to self-evaluate and self-criticize is important for any movement so I was really delighted to participate in this amusing community discussion and to share it with my readers.
In that spirit, if you have anything to add to the list, please leave a comment and share what Sh*t YOU think Progressive Muslims Say.
Deonna Kelli Sayed joined me on Spreecast this week to discuss her new book, Paranormal Obsession:
Paranormal investigator and researcher Deonna Kelli Sayed reveals how and why our fascination with spirits started. She interviewed ghost hunters, religious figures, scientists, academics, and cast members of the popular TV shows Ghost Hunters and Paranormal State, and offers compelling insight into what our fixation on ghostly activity says about American culture. Paranormal Obsession also highlights the author’s paranormal group’s investigation of the USS North Carolina, the most haunted battleship in the United States.
Last week I posted on Facebook and asked my friends to share links to their small, independently owned businesses so that I could promote them on my blog.
The reason for this is simple:
Supporting small businesses isn’t just about getting a good deal (although you often will) or getting superior products and services (although they often are). It’s about putting our money back into our communities, back into the hands of individual small business-owners who are working to support themselves and their families.
These people are not always raking in the big bucks–but they love what they do. They’re working hard at the American Dream: to be self-sustaining and to have fulfilling work that they are passionate about. Why wouldn’t you want to support that?
This weekend, while hoards of consumers swamp big-box corporate retailers who have systematically sent American jobs overseas, peddled sub-par and poorly made products to us at “discount” prices, and lobbied against lower and middle class workers’ rights, I ask you to reconsider and instead buy from these small businesses.
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Zaki Hasan isn’t just a supercool blogger writing about everything from comic books to politics–he’s also one of the contributing authors to the new book Geek Wisdom: The Sacred Wisdom of Nerd Culture. The book takes quotes from film, television, science textbooks, and all kinds of other nerdy sources, and then geekishly reflects on them, drawing practical lessons for modern life.
I had a chance to visit with Zaki Hasan last week in my very first Spreecast video, and I invite you to watch the short 15 minute interview to learn more. You can also visit Zaki on his blog: Zaki’s Corner.
I met Sabina England online through a mutual friend and was immediately drawn to her because of her outspokenness. Her self-assured, in-your-face, smart-sexy-cool persona is unique among the Muslim women artists you usually see promoting themselves on the internet. When I asked her for an interview for my blog, she graciously accepted. My initial plan was to write about her and then insert some quotes, but when I went back and re-read our gchat conversation I thought it might be more enjoyable to read it verbatim. After all, unconventional people call for unconventional blog posts. Enjoy.
me: Hello? Salaams?
sabina england: hey you there? I’m so sorry about the late delay!! ugh yeah I’m here.
me: No worries. I thought I had messed up the gchat. How are you?
sabina england: noo i got your message and then started my laptop. I had totally forgotten all about the interview. My mind went totally blank. I am alright and yourself? how r u?
me: I’m good. Just winding down after a long day. So are you living here, or just visiting [in the U.S.]? I wasn’t sure. I’m trying to piece together the lifeline–born in India, moved to UK…at what age?
sabina england: I was born in the UK both my paernts are from Bihar, India
me: Got it. Ok, SO. I’d love to ask you some questions about your art. I got quite a bit of info about your devotion to punk from that last blog interview you did.
sabina england: feel free to ask away
me: But I’m really interested to know about your creative side…what made you want to express yourself as a writer and performer? As opposed to say…becoming an accountant.
sabina england: when i was younger, i was not a very sociable person because i felt alienated from everyone else in the community due to my deafness, so i often watched old movies and i saw a lot of theatrical plays (as well as reading stage plays) and i drew and painted a lot and wrote lots of poetry, so creativity was always a way for me to express my feelings while all other kids were busy gossiping or hanging out or playing sports or whatever. today i like to write plays and make videos and i directed and produced a short film to express my beliefs and to share my observations that i have of the world, i’m very interested in how Muslims are perceived by society, and I like to create strong, un-typical intimidating female characters that are either Muslim or South Asian
me: I love that. Really. I think one of the things most modern Muslim women constantly fight against is preconceived notions about who /what we are.
sabina england: no, Kawdess (a Sudanese blogger from Dubai) took this photo on her Tumblr and I passed it on to Fatemeh who is the editor of Muslimah Media Watch and she thought it was so funny because it was exactly what she always writes AGAINST about everyday in the media.
me: Totally. The other day I saw you posted something funny on your Facebook.
sabina england: yeah?
me: You randomly posted that people are always accusing you of being angry and aggressive, but that surprises you because you’re actually a very happy, content person. That is the same thing ‘feminists’ get accused of as well. And I wonder why people assume that women who are outspoken, or who aren’t afraid of expressing themselves fully are always assumed to be angry.
sabina england: hahahaha i know! and when they accuse me of having severe anger issues, I always send them my youtube channel and then they see my comedy videos and they think that can’t be the same person!
me: But you don’t have a problem showing anger if you feel it in the moment. That is, you don’t feel the need to suppress it if it is a genuine emotion. Which, frankly, a lot of women do.
sabina england: yeah and at least TWO heterosexual white males always message me on Facebook every week to tell me how they feel about me. Either I am mentally disturbed and I have extreme anger issues, or that I need to “calm down” and try to enjoy life, or that I seem like an unhappy person and if I stop paying so much attention to what’s going on in the world, then I’d be happier.
me: Heh.
sabina england: I have a lot of male friends and they are very outspoken and angry (but in a constructive way) and many of them are rappers or writers and they use their anger as a tool to express their feelings. That’s the same for me, too. But because they are male, its “NORMAL” and even “intellectual” for them but to these people, I am just some crazy, deranged, bitter woman who needs help. Whatever.
me: EXACTLY my point. Why the double standard?
sabina england: and to these people, yeah sure, go ahead and keep attacking me and tell me I am crazy, deranged, bitter, and you know what ? I dont give a FUCK!!! I will still be an angry woman and I will always speak my mind and I’ll express myself the way I want to, and if you dont like it, you can go fuck off. I’m not here to explain myself or defend myself. I am only here to express my feelings and no one can stop me. I am not here to “convert” people to accept my beliefs either, I only speak my mind and I care more about reaching out to my SISTERS and give them a different perspective that they haven’t heard before, I care more about my sisters than I do about a bunch of privileged, whiney heterosexual white males, they don’t matter to me and are irrelevant to me. An example: a white British guy posted a comment to one of my comedy videos “Allah Save the Punk!” and he asked me why was I trying to make Islam “appealing” to non-Muslims? and i replied back that I was NEVER trying to make Islam appealing to non-Muslims, I make videos for MY brothers and sisters, to show them different Muslim characters that they can relate to. I don’t do it for non-Muslims, I do it for MY brothers and sisters.
me: The idea of shame, the threat of being ‘unloved’ and the threat of being labeled ‘unfeminine’, ‘whorish’ and/or ‘rebellious’ have been used to keep women in check since the dawn of time. I’ve been aware of this from a very young age…and I think all girls are sort of indoctrinated in this thinking from a young age. But at a certain point I decided I didn’t care. That point came after I went through the proverbial fire and really tested myself. Was there a point like that for you in your life? When you just realized ‘fuck it’ I’m going to BE ME.
sabina england: All those feelings I had about being a proper feminine woman, went out the window the day I shave my sides off and got a mohawk! so having a mohawk allowed me to express myself in a different way and I still felt feminine. Anyway I don’t believe in gender binaries, all that shit is artificial and meaningless. I dont have a mohawk anymore and now my hair is growing long and I guess I look “feminine” but I am often told that I have a very aggressive butch personality, but I dont care. that’s who I am and Im not gonna change myself for any man. If I want a man, he better love me and accept me the way I am, or he can check himself out the door but, i guess the point about not caring about being thought of as a whore, was when I became attracted to punk rock and feminism and punk rock taught me NOT to give a fuck what people think of me.
me: That’s fantastic. Many young women are forced to either go through it themselves, or regress back to their ‘place’ in society. It’s wonderful that you had Punk as a friend when you needed it most. So…the big question is… how do your parents feel about having a Punk Rock Girl for a daughter? Are they traditional ‘desi’ types? Or do they understand your point of view?
sabina england: Today, they accept me for who I am. when I was younger, it was always a battle of the wills. my mother often despaired of why i wouldn’t act like a proper Indian Muslim daughter, and my dad didn’t want me to become a playwright or filmmaker, he said that no one would want to go see a play or a movie about Muslims or South Asians or Deaf people, but this was in the 90s and things have changed a lot back then. My parents always tried to change me when I was younger, but not anymore. It’s who I am, and they accept me for who I am. they don’t pressure me or nag me anymore
me: Good deal.
sabina england: I think I’m lucky for that. Sometimes they dont always understand me, but they TRY.
me: Certainly the fact that you’ve been internationally recognized for your work helps soothe any concerns they have that you’ve lost your marbles. So back to the art—how do you see it evolving? What’s the next step for you? Are you considering doing any full-length features?
sabina england: hahaha. yeah right, I wish. I would love to do a full length feature, but money is always a major concern, so I have been thinking of producing one of my own plays in New York City but I would need to raise money for that. and I would love to write, direct and produce another short film but I also need money for that… so right now my main projects are to finish writing a new full length punk rock stage play that involves Muslims, punks, terrorists, drug dealers, homeless bums, and small town Americans. I am also hoping to go to San Francisco to make a music video with Micropixie (I will send you her fan page) and I also hope to start working on some new signed poetry videos (a mixture of poetry and American Sign Language) because it’s something I’ve never done before. I am also working on a novel, but that shit takes a while because I need it to be perfect.
me: Are there any writers/directors/performers that inspire you in your work? Either past or present?
sabina england: Lucille Ball has always been my biggest inspiration since I was a little girl because growing up, she was always told how ugly and untalented she was and she’d never get anywhere. She proved them all wrong and got her show “I Love Lucy” and became the FIRST woman in the history of Hollywood to take charge of a production studio. Not to mention she was fuckin’ badass and had a great sense of humor.
me: Ooh. Good one. I like her too–for the same reasons. She defined her own place in the industry.
sabina england: mmhmm she was amazing. when i was a little kid sometimes she appeared in my dreams and gave me advice. I’m sure some people will think I am crazy, but these were still nice dreams
me: What has been your biggest challenge as you’ve established your artistic voice? Obviously most people might assume it would be your deafness–but was it that? Or was there something else that really caused you to struggle?
sabina england: well, when i was in college and a famous theatre director from london came, I don’t wanna say who it was because I’m not one to name names, but when I asked him for advice on how to get a career started in theatre, he laughed and he said it would be impossible for me because of my deafness and of communication issues… that made me feel so insecure, angry, upset and low. I thought he was right. I believed him. so for a long time i always felt my deafness was an obstacle, but when I began meeting people online who were deaf, black, Muslim, or female filmmakers or multimedia artists or musicians who had some great success, they all showed me that if I wanted to be an artist, I had to create MY OWN opportunities, so I just did that and I went to make a film on my own and I raised money from the public. So, I guess, the biggest challenges I face today as an artist, would be money because I’d like to get more money to pursue creative projects. Everything else is good to go. I have lots of stories to say, I am Deaf, I am Muslim, I am Indian, I am feminsit, I am a punk rocker, I got so much to tell the world.
me: How has the internet helped you promote yourself as an independent artist?
sabina england: oh definitely. If it wasn’t for youtube or vimeo, I wouldn’t be able to show my videos to the world, especially to other Muslims, Arabs, South Asians, who all liked my characters I played. as well as my blog where I publish my creative works and I draw in an audience and I’ve made some cool friends and got some good opportunities out of it.
me: Have fellow Muslims been receptive? Obviously there will always be the ones who want to condemn anything they don’t like as ‘un-Islamic’ but what are you getting good response as well?
sabina england: mostly the response from other Muslims has been really great and supportive. More Muslims are likely to be supportive because like me, they are tired of the stereotypical, cliched passive Muslim writers and artists and characters out there, and I give them something different. I haev been asked to put one of my comedy videos in an Islamic festival in Paris, France that plan to target young French Muslims who come from urban backgrounds, and I hope they’ll get a kick out of my videos
me: Wow! Fantastic! So what advice would you give another young Muslim girl or woman who wants to strike out on her own and do something different or new? Perhaps not even art or Punk–but something that is drastically different from what her family and culture expect from her?
sabina england: she shouldn’t be afraid, she should follow her dreams and just fuckin’ go for it. You can’t always make other people happy, but you should always make yourself happy first before you try to make others happy. And if your family really loves you, they would support you in whatever you want to do. And if they dont– well, show them how wrong they are, and show them why you’re gonna do what you wanna do. DON’T BE AFRAID AND GET OUT THERE!!!
me: I LOVE IT. Ok I wont take up much more of your time. I’d love to get a photo of you that I can use, and I’d like to share one of your videos on the blog–do you have any recommendations or is there a specific one you’d like me to share?
sabina england: its for a Muslim website, right? So you can use “Allah Save the Punk!” video and I will email a photo to you tonight
me: I mean this sincerely–please let me know if I can ever help promote you and your work. I’m happy to do whatever I can to get the word out…
sabina england: thanks
me: Ok, I think this is good. I’ve taken up an hour so I’ll let you go. I really appreciate your time. You inspire me!
sabina england: no problem! but im glad you asked me to be interviewed for the website, so i look forward to the link. hope u have a great night! peace xx
me: I’ll let you know as soon as it’s up. You have a great night too. <3
By now you’ve seen at least some of the recent rash of “Sh*t ____ say…” videos. Some of my favorites include “Sh*t Austinites Say“, “Stuff Hijabis Say“, and the truly hilarious “Sh*t Nobody Says.”
The book takes quotes from film, television, science textbooks, and all kinds of other nerdy sources, and then geekishly reflects on them, drawing practical lessons for modern life.
